A boundary is where I end and you begin… where you end and I begin.
A country is a place where people of a similar consciousness live, forming a collective, that has its own customs, language, culture, values and prevailing beliefs. Beyond their homeland’s border some other country begins.
History textbooks are generally compiled from the dates when wars between states/nations/tribes began and when they, fortunately, ended. If it weren't for ceramic handicrafts, jewelry making, art sculptures and paintings that later moved from cave walls to canvas, human history would be a sad place characterized by an addiction to violence. But beauty was always giving hope.
One of the main causes of wars is the disrespect of boundaries between two collective consciousnesses that have their own beliefs and values. The arrogant attitude "that the whole world owes us something" and that something that is not ours belongs to us, fuels aggression and, unfortunately, killing of people.
Disrespect for human life, the integrity of the individual, and therefore the collective, have become "values" that define the success and achievement of the aggressive and modern Homo sapiens. All this is justified by the struggle for survival, democracy and deception, i.e., by the erosion of truth. Important sights of a country are destroyed, history is erased and new inscriptions and monuments are erected, holy scriptures are rewritten, language is deliberately defiled and degrading principles by which we should all live are established. As if the boundaries and the will of a person are no longer and should not be clearly differentiated... we all merge into one homogeneous mass without boundaries.
How all this will affect our collective fifth chakra, our truth and authenticity, our heart and compassion, as well as the sense of belonging (first chakra) both for ourselves and for our descendants, remains to be seen. But what each of us can do and contribute to make this world a better and more peaceful place is to work on our own abuser and victim and on the boundary between those two sides within ourselves. It is the place inside us where the friction of two wills, the controversy of internal forces and the entanglement in our own lies and truths takes place.
Can the part of us that feels like it can run over the whole world in rage (because the wound has reactivated) and destroy everything in front of us, allow the part that feels hurt (as a victim) to exist... or must that part of us also get destroyed? Do I have to bombard myself with judgments and criticisms all day long, or can I accept the pain and injustice that has happened to me? This is where people often get confused... how can I accept injustice; how can I accept a wound?! That means that I surrender, that I am powerless!!!
Accepting reality does not mean that one gives up. Acceptance is the antidote to the constant struggle that, as the fuel is added, gets bigger, flares up inside us, and crosses over personal boundaries, burning others around us.
And, as you can see, we cannot destroy and burn everything around us without crushing ourselves in the process.
The following character structures can precisely be observed in this context of the conquered part of the self (masochistic structure) and the conqueror (psychopathic structure). Of course, each of us has a mix of structures, with one dominant... which creates a much more complex situation within ourselves. But, when each part of us is given permission to exist, and when those parts, instead of terrorizing each other, support one another, internal integration takes place. The secondary product is joy, peace, satisfaction, harmony...
The enduring child (masochistic character structure) is a person who had severely violated boundaries in childhood due to excessive control by authority. The individual child’s will was regularly crushed by a bigger, stronger and adult omnipotent person who deliberately and often consciously imposed his will as law. The child never had an opportunity to win in putting on its desire and preference, causing the initial impulse to be retained in the body and retrieved, especially in the area of the solar plexus and the third chakra. When there is an impulse to express one's own desire, willpower and individual identity, an impulse arises in us leading to action; it activates the somatic the nervous system, a branch that controls skeleton and muscles. On the energetic level, the cords created in the relation between the chakras, instead of meeting child's cords at the edge of both persons' auras, go too far and actually become entangled in the child's third chakra. They can go so deep, that they cross the boundaries of the chakra and wrap around the organs. These are deep control mechanisms that become embedded in the enduring child's nervous system and become part of the identity. In such an environment, boundaries are seriously endangered, and a lot of things get covered up by the mask of love - it's all for your own good! Thus, we conclude that only if we completely abandon ourselves and sacrifice for others, if we let them do with us what they want, it will pay off in the end and they will finally love us.
Unfortunately, this never comes true.
A person with a dominant masochistic structure is always there to help and the other side is always there to request endlessly. Although, we who have this structure then feel a huge anger and reaction to the endless exploitation, we cannot raise the bar and say the significant "no". The impulse is suppressed again and again, and as a result of the repressed and congested energy, the physical body enlarges. Then we unconsciously conclude that it is the only way to protect ourselves - by building a fortress of excessive tissue. That is easier than standing up and saying no, and self – sacrifice takes a new form - sacrificing your own health.
When the enormous shame is added here, shame we feel from not being able to provide everything that is asked for and to hide our growing body, we come to conclusion that it is impossible to be loved and that we must try even harder.
Thus, the infinite cycle of enduring increases.
While in the masochistic structure the impulse is stifled and the person is preoccupied with what others will say and whether she will hurt them with her actions (boundaries), the psychopathic character structure has no problem shifting her boundaries to the other, involving him in her discussions and proving that she is right, often at the cost of hurting that other person.
An attack is the best kind of defense, says the betrayed child (as this structure is also called) and that is why energy tentacles, the seventh chakra hook and other mechanisms are often used to control someone, all with the aim of protecting oneself from potential exploitation and deception. As this child was seduced - the adults from its environment did not even know that love doesn’t have to be deserved but that it is unconditional, if it is real, so they had to manipulate and make themselves special, and they assured the child that it would be special too and that it would be loved if it fulfills certain requirements, goals and conditions.
Blurred boundaries, or dislocated, professionally speaking, is how the competition for attention and love was created in a family where everyone had to participate, otherwise they would not be part of the family, and the sense of belonging would be denied forever. At least, that way there was a chance for love... in the vicious cycle of exhausting others who we kept at a distance, while giving hope that they could come closer.
You probably already feel the tension of this atmosphere, the activation of the nervous system that is always ready to attack in order to protect us from betrayal, as well as the tension of the muscles that are ready for provocation and fight.
In this scenario, everyone else is always to blame for everything that goes wrong, and the judge in the betrayed child is harsh and always points out the mistakes of others.
Only there is one problem - a judge cannot judge others if he does not judge himself first all day long. Such a situation leads to a completely different reality than the one presented to the world. On the outside, we are communicative, we know a lot of people and have relationships with them, we are good organizers and great leaders. On the inside, there is a deep feeling that we are bad, that something is wrong with us, as well as a feeling of insecurity... what is the next thing I need to fulfill, what are the next conditions in order to be accepted and loved. It constantly propels us towards achievements that are the price with which love is earned and bought.
Because of that internal struggle and uncertainty, as well as the energy that is directed upwards, into the shoulders and head, a person with this structure will have a weak grounding and a tense nervous system, which will cause high blood pressure and heart disease. As one must not be vulnerable, one must not move the inner boundaries and reveal a vulnerable heart that longs for a deep and intimate contact - where someone sees you as you are, with all the good and bad qualities and does not ask you to be someone else and deny your truth. It all sounds impossible to a person with a wound like this, and allowing someone to really get that close isn't even an option... it actually causes the defense mechanism to activate.
And on and on we go, in the circle - the desire for deep contact that is paired with trauma and the greatest life threatening danger - the danger of betrayal.
We are left to take a peek into the world of, what Reich called, the rigid character structure and also to define boundaries between the boundaries - inner and outer, communication and identification.
To be continued....
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