The mechanism of transfering destiny from the previous family members

 

1. Imitation

As children, we  try to be like our parents and other people we love. Children  endevour to be close with family members, primarely with parents.  They succeed  by imitating the parents and by wanting to share their behavour and destiny. That is the way of gaining the sense of closeness, even if that kind of imitating hurts the child.

 

Desire to follow people we love, even when they die, is often seen in cases of children who have lost their parent early { my dear father, my dear mother …I want to be with you, I don’t want to be alone, I don’t  want you to be alone, I will die as well}; in cases of parents that lost children, in cases of couples when one of them dies. Many people experience this to some degree when they lose a loved one. If there were great tragedies, diseases or death of many family members on the generational level { lets say generation of great grandfather}, the strong pull to follow to death will be manifested on transgenerational level.

 

The force that pulls the person to take upon himself the destiny of the other, to save somebody, to guard them, etc. is very powerful. This is very common in the cases of children who can sense that, someone they love, is pulled towards death or difficult destiny. Children try to take upon themselves the burden of destiny of the other {I will leave, you stay}. Desire to save someone by  own suffering and sacrifice is very common in many  religious traditions.

 

Children observe their family members, their strength, joy, but also suffering, sadness and pain and they start to make their own life script:  their own life roles, as well as the plans how to help those they love.  This kind of decision is liberating for the child, because he starts to carry his own, secret, inner plan. The trouble happens when this kind of plans start to cause new illusions and problems. Some of us remember what we said back then, for example: I will never get married; when I grow up, i will move to another country.  It is similar situation when someone dies too early and the inner voice decides: “ I will live for you as I live for myself, I will live your life so I can complete everything  right way.” These type of decisions can lead to double life: taking profession of the excluded member, using own energy to fullfil goals of the interrupted life of the other. We act as this is the way to achieve wholness.

Even long time after big tragedies happen, the alive family members stay with the memories, and most of the time they try to repress them and forget. Those that survived and ran away, rarely want to look back. Most of the time, they try hard to push away from themselves and loved ones  those memories of terrors from wich they have escaped. 

That is understandable,  but unlived and repressed horrors freeze the feelings and the flow of love.  Due to the attempt to forget and to push away some family members, some parts of those traumas and horrors are handed down to generations that follow. 

The discendents can be liberated from this kind of enteglament when the basic order is reestableshed and when excluded or forgotten member is brought back to the family where he belongs. We need to pay respects to this member  and his\her destiny.